So today is our 12 year anniversary and we went out to dinner which was nice. We don't get to do that very often - and less often without the kids. Mike kept joking about taking me to Taco Tico or Subway or something and of course I kept yelling no at him, but I guess actually it would have been okay (not really) because it is about the time together. And kind of like a last supper for him if he would have taken me to one of those places.
What's bad about today is 5 years ago we brought Amber home from the hospital for the last time. I knew it was a bad decision when the decision was made for her to leave the hospital. I was always the one asking the doctors if she could go home, but that day, I didn't think she was ready. On the other hand, I also feel if she hadn't gotten to come home, she might not have gotten to see her room that Mike painted for her. Mike never paints. Not before. Not since. He painted her room pink with black accents because that was what she was wanting and we wanted to surprise her. She was surprised. It was really sweet because it was the first time she called him "dad" to his face. She would do it jokingly or in a card or to her friends...but not to him. So, even though she probably should have stayed in the hospital, I'm glad she came home.
I remember we were excited because that was a bad hospital stay all around. With the C-Diff, and talks of a "poop transplant" (I am being serious); the blood transfusion; the extremely decreased lung function........it was just bad. So when she came home on our anniversary, even though I thought it was a bad idea, I was still excited. It was the best anniversary present.
Now every anniversary has that lingering in the background - or foreground as it is tonight. I think today it is made worse by the fact that this year all the dates are the same as they were 5 years ago. Five years ago the 6th was on a Saturday....the 18th was on a Thursday. Just like this year. I hate that. For some reason it seems to make it worse. So does the five years. It can't possibly be 5 years. How have I even lived this long without Amber here? It just doesn't seem possible. I never thought I would last 5 minutes. How in the world have I made it 5 years?
Sometimes I think Mike and I should get married again - but on a different date so we could have a different anniversary date. But, I know that it wouldn't change anything....and people would just think I am stranger than they already do.
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2 comments:
Ok -- all day yesterday I kept thinking I needed to email you for your anniv....and I litterally was gone from 11am to 11pm. When I got home, I crashed. Sorry -- I did think about you guys and hope you had a great one!
I guess I didn't realize or remember that you had brought Amber home on your Anniv that year. I remember when she got to come home -- and how excited she was about her room -- but didn't remember it was your Anniv.
God has given you the strength to make it the first 5 years and He will continue to give you strength to make it another 5, 10, etc!
Our family has Alan's birthday next week on the 15th and then his 1st Anniv. of his death on the 16th. Then, you'll be facing Amber's anniv. on the 18th. Whew -- could we just skip next week??
I am all for that! Next week will be a toughie for your family.
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